I found a letter that was written to my 15 year son by a young girl. The letter was on the kitchen floor. Yes, on the floor out in the open right under the chair were his jacket was hanging. The same jacket that was just washed the night before. I picked it up and opened it to see what it was and as I read....my jaw dropped and my temper rosed! The letter is from one mad girl because my son broke it off with her and then she goes on to talk about them having sex....SEX and then talking about wanting to have sex with my son but she moved away. The letter is a little confusing about if they did or didn't. Because in on sentence she states they did and in another she states she wants to have sex. Now at the time I found this letter it was 1am in the morning and I was tired and not feeling well. I know I over reacted but I ran up the stairs and busted thru his door and started pulling him out of bed asking him about this letter. He woke up asking me whats going on....I again ask him about this letter. He states that he didn't have sex. "I didn't have sex with her....I don't know why she wrote that letter". I explained to him a girl wouldn't write him a letter like this if their wasn't some truth to it. It's not like see was writing it on the bathroom wall just to make other girls jealous. I asked him to tell me what they did do. Thinking maybe she saying kissing and touching each other is what she is calling sex. I took his phone and existed his room. I knew I had to calm down before continuing this conversation. My son is a Christian and just dedicated his life to Christ last year. He attends church regularly, ever since he was a little baby. He could be doing better in one or two of his classes in school, but we are working on that. And yes, we have had the sex conversation....several times. I have even showed him pictures of body parts of men and women with STDs. Explained to him about unprotected sex, getting a female pregnant, using a condomn, asking him to please come to me if he started finding himself really thinking about wanting to have sex. He has openly asked me question about sex and relationships. I know some are wondering where is his father.....well he had a very bad stroke a couple years ago and my son doesn't see him very often. Plus he lives in another state. And they never were close from the start, just as they started to get close is when he got sick.
Confused......I know I have to do something. Do I go and have him tested for STDs or have him tell me who she is and make sure her mother knows about this letter. Do i believe my not always Gods little angel. Do I go out and buy some protection and leave it on his dresser with a note (like I read in one other comment in another users discussion. Do I have him carry a baby doll around to try and show him what can happen if he has or does make an adult decision as big as having sex. Why do they have to grow up? I do know the answer to that last question. This is hard ladies and gentlemen (if there is any men reading and giving the opinions, would like to hear from some males).
Well, I am open to some suggestion and advice.
Thanks,
Single Mom

Leave the protection in his drawer. He will know where it came from. Most 15 year old boys know there isn't a "condom fairy", & if you've had the talk already, there's no need for a note.

Unless of course that note is a written appology for flying off the handle & screaming in his face about it. How can you expect him to come to you with everything comfortably when he feels like you snoop through his things and accuse before simply asking him?

I would deffinetly suggest IN PERSON telling him you're sorry for jumping to conclusions & not trusting him, & tell him you don't want him to think he can't come to you with anything at any time. The worst thing you can encourage at that age is that kind of fear, it leads to secrets.

Also, if your son 'moved away' (as I understand her letter said?) I don't think you have to worry about telling her parents, she sounds like she was likely the problem, not him. I would think her parents will find out sooner or later, if she's mailing letters like that around to boys (AT 15!) your son probably wasn't the first & won't be the last.

I hope you haven't taken this as insulting or anything.. I'm just trying to help you see it from an outside point of view, as I've got a teenage sister who's just slightly older than your son. I'm by no means a mother, but being a big sister has it's perks!

Good luck!

I'm sure you realize that jerking your son out of bed at 1:00 in the morning, in a fit of rage no less, is not conducive to an open and trusting relationship. I would suggest that maybe one of the responsible men at your church talk with, and possibly mentor him. Sometimes teenage boys just don't feel comfortable talking to "Mom", no matter how much you want it. Instead of forcing what isn't happening, try to deal with what is. Make sure the man from the church is not some old guy, choose someone that's still young enough for your son to relate to, and preferably someone your son already trusts and respects.

I have to disagree with Tasgz about leaving condoms in his drawer. I take it you don't believe in sex before marriage, and leaving condoms looks as if you condone his actions. If your son is grown-up enough to have sex, then he's grown-up enough to obtain his own contraceptives. This is part of the problem nowadays, young people have no idea about taking responsibility for their actions. You have teenagers "playing dolls" with real live children, and with the majority having the grandparents raise them. Treat your son as the man you want him to be. Offer him the opportunity to step up to the plate. He might surprise you! I'm not saying to stop parenting him, but he needs to realize that sex is not all fun and games, and with it comes responsibility.

Just another bit of advice,...ALWAYS be truthful with your son regarding the facts, and responsibilities of sex. My son asks me all kinds of things now, because he knows I'll be straight up with him no matter what. Basically, it's stuff about his fiance's birth control and period problems, but the point is he feels more comfortable coming to me than anyone else.

Oh! And by the way...you owe your son a sincere and heartfelt apology. He didn't deserve that, he must have been scared to death! Remember, one of the best ways to parent is to lead by example, so you must be a shining example!

Best of luck to you both! Fortunately, my son made it through that difficult stage without incident, and is doing well. He's 27 yrs old now, and in college going for his doctorate in psychology.

I am not a mother (yet), but it wasn't all that long ago that I was a teenager, and remember very clearly what it was like.

I went through a very rebellious stage around 14-15 years of age, and made some very poor choices. Whenever my parents would become angry with me for something that I did, I would withdraw further and rebel more. I began keeping all kinds of secrets, and honestly felt like it didn't matter to them what I did. (Even though I know that it did...that's the way teenagers think! Remember -- teenagers are NOT adults, and they don't process information the same way as we do. They have a skewed perception of many things)

When I lost my virginity, I was 15. When my mom found out, she didn't yell at me...she expressed her sadness and disappointment. Of course, she repeated her previous talks about pregnancy and STDs, but she focused more on other issues. She asked me how I FELT - before, during and after having sex. When I told her that I felt embarrassed, she explained that that was because I wasn't in love...and that I wasn't old enough to feel such a mature emotion.

She went on to explain that when I WAS in love (and married), sex would be a wonderful thing that would be enjoyable. There were many other things said during this conversation...it lasted for hours! The bottom line, though, is that I felt like my feelings mattered to her. I felt as though she really truly cared about me, and not just her own feelings on the matter. We had a two-way conversation...not just a one-sided argument!

Because of that conversation, I didn't have sex again for another two years. Although I didn't make it to marriage, I was in a committed relationship for over a year before having sex again. Each time it got close, I would think about that night...and stop myself.

I second Angel's advice...I think that it would be great for your son to have a strong male mentor from your church. I'm lucky that I had my mom to talk with - but boys are different. They need a male to talk about these things with!

I also agree that you should sit down with your son and apologize for getting so upset with him without having a conversation first. I would explain that you weren't as angry as you were scared, since this is the emotion I got from reading your post. Maybe he'll be honest with you if you take this kind of approach. Yelling will only make him scared of telling you these things in the future...and make him feel like it doesn't matter what he says or does anyways, as this will be your reaction.

Good luck!!!

I can totally understand why you're so worried and confused at what to do. If I found a note like that I'd be scared too. Because this whole thing happened at one o'clock in the morning, you guys really need to have another talk that is calm and open. It's good that he seems to be very open with you and that he gave his life to Christ. I would ask him about this girl and what their relationship was like and how he feels about sex before marriage since he is a Christian. And I also don't think you should slip him some protection.

Colbi- touching story and amazing advice! I agree completely!