Hi all so im after a little bit of advice and people's opinions on the matter. My 8 year old son ignored the when a bedroom door is shut knock and ask permission to enter before going in (we started this policy so the older children and mum and dad can get some privacy) and in doing this he walked in on his 16 year old brother well without tip toeing around a more discrete way to say this, he walked in on his brother pleasuring himself. Now my son has been told that there is a time and place to do this, as well as he has had the sex talk etc, that we want him to wait until he is married but if he and his gf or bf or what ever decide they really love each other and want to have sex before this that he is to use protection and that if he does get a girl pregnant he and the mother can live in our house but we will not be a free babysitting service and they will be financially responsible for the baby and will need to be a grown up because if he thinks he is responsible enough to have sex than he can be responsible enough to be and act like a mature adult.

I have spoken to my 8 year old about what he saw and without saying to much i just said its something that teenagers and adults sometimes do to make themselves happy just like mums and dads do things to make each other happy. he seems to have just shrugged it off and didnt really care about what he saw. my 16 year old was clearly embarrassed and said he didnt mean to have max see its just he was watching a dvd in his room and well im sure you can fill in the blanks as to what may have happened leading to him doing what he did. my son suggested that maybe we could put a lock on his bedroom door so therefore if he were to feel he needed to do this again he could lock it in order to prevent this happening again.

My worries are:
- he will lock himself in there when he is mad at us
- lock himself and a girl in there
- lock himself in there so he is able to do things that may be inappropriate eg watch porn etc
and well the list goes on really. so i am wondering what your advice might be on this situation

Hi

I would suggest a lock on his door to give him some privacy, but if you're concerned about him locking himself in or having a girl over, then keep a spare key on your keyring so he knows you can still unlock it if absolutely necessary. (And maybe hide a spare key in case he decides to take yours!)

Good luck!

Well, first of all, I would not have any computers, tvs, etc in any bedroom. And, why would you let a girl over and for them to go to his bedroom? I don't see how that could be an issue.

I think that he should have the lock. Obviously, you don't want this happening again, which is quite likely. Something you could do is get him the lock but you have a key, so he can't lock himself in there when he's mad (Which I used to do and personally don't see why this is a problem) or do anything you wouldn't want him doing. It seems you have a good relationship with your son and he'd probably agree to this; you, as parents, would respect his privacy and only use the key when there's a serious problem.

Alisamber wrote:

QUOTE:
Well, first of all, I would not have any computers, tvs, etc in any bedroom. And, why would you let a girl over and for them to go to his bedroom? I don't see how that could be an issue.

I agree.

I don't see the big problem with having a lock on the door. I'm honestly more surprised that he doesn't. I've never not had a lock on my door. He's a 16 guy, he NEEDS his privacy.

Honestly, if you are concerned about him locking him and a girl in his room then make it a rule that the door has to stay open when a girl is in there.

As for watching porn, really, he can do that at night when everyone is asleep. He doesn't need to have a lock to still have access to porn.