I'm really afraid I'll be raising my kids alone. Ryan is always at work and when he's home he takes off his contacts and puts his serious working glasses on and plays with the calculator and does inventory from work. I'm afraid I won't be able to go to college. Ryan was talking about having a smiley trophy family and it scared me. I don't think he gets that I still want to indepenance and that i still love him. Maybe he's jealous of the babies but I don't know. When I stopped by the shop on Sunday he told me that I was distracting and to leave. Last night I dreamt he was having an affair with this clerk who works there, she's 16 and I'm sure Ryan wouldn't do that but I'm paranoid. I don't think he loves the babies, he said its weird I enjoy seeing them if there in "plastic cages" and are "suffering". I'm so confused and scared!

Hi Natalia, I wish there is something I could do physically to help you and show you my support. Unfortunately, all I can do is to leave you messages here and hope the best for you here on the internet.

I can see that you are under a lot of stress. I'm sure Ryan loves you and the babies, and he won't leave you behind. It is a difficult situation right now for your family. And he needs to work hard to keep things going. He just probably has a different way of facing the current hardship.

But please don't let your mind go crazy on things. Perhaps, get yourself prepared for your further future, like doing research on schools that you wanna go to, etc. And I'm sure you will be able to go to college if you want to.

Anyways, wish the best for your family!

Daniklic is absolutely right. I'm sure Ryan is scared too, and nervous of what's to come. He probably feels the pressure finanically, being the only one of you both to be employeed. He's probably scared for Shea, and the medical bills, and all that stuff. Keep in mind that it's normal for you to be scared, you two are so so young and it will be hard and rewarding to be parents, especially with TWINS. Don't give up on each other, you have it better than some couples/single people raising kids. He loves you and the babies, he is just feeling pressure right now. Take care.

hey im sure its nothing, the stress of what is happening is probably getting to both of you, ryan is probably worried that he will not be able to support you and the girls and he is most likely worried and scared about what is happening so he is using his work as a way to distract himself, whereas you are spending time with the girls so it feels like you are never together, i am sure that if you raised your concerns with him and talk about it all will work out for the best, you probably have yourself a little worked up

When I am upset, I can hold myself together pretty well. I can keep the tears and the fear at bay for a long time as long as I get my mind on something else. I can be as level as need be, until I see the face of someone I know loves me. When I see that face, or feel their arms holding me in comfort, and know that they are feeling my pain too, a dam breaks inside and the pain and fear pour forth like a raging river. There is no holding it, and often, I think there will never be anything to stop it. Maybe that is what he is going through.

When he is at work, he can put his mind on his duties, he can actually accomplish something, he knows what to do and how to get it done. Outside of work, he is helpless and scared. Seeing you reminds him of that. He can't help the babies because he isn't a doctor. He can't hold you because he might break down too. But he sure can do the inventory like a pro.

Let him know your there for him.
Tell him when you need him to be there for you.
Give your panic a time limit ("I will let this fear out for 10 minutes, and then I need to be strong".
Get Help from a professional. Your all under tremendous stress right now. It can drive a wedge in your family. Don't let it.

his comment about the twins in the incubators could just be his fear of not knowing what could happen when they get out of the incubators and come home. he could also be scared that when they do come out of the incubators that something could happen and he wouldnt know what to do.