Hattie, it started out as bowel cancer. They removed the tumour - successfully, but when she went back they found another smaller tumour. Hit it was chemo and radiotheraphy, but it wasn't working. Eventually the cancer spread throughout. We were lucky enough to see her 2 days before she passed, but she wasn't well. She was pretty much just holding on. She was a little delusional, her memory wasn't the same. It was really hard to see her like that because she's always been my rock.

I wrote a really long death notice in the paper ($119 in words) and I made my dad - who never cries - cry when he read it. I got so many hugs at her funeral and people saying it was the most beautifulest things they've ever read in a death notice. But she was Nan. I loved her to pieces.

Now you have my crying. Ah. But its hard. Really hard. The pain is still has hard as it was in July.

I love lazlow (btw not her real name lol) more then anyone in the world. I don't have kids but I would probably love her more then them. Today was then first time that I went to my aunts house since she passed, besides the one time we went for a few mins at Xmas eve. It was so strange and I felt weird like I keept waiting for her to come.

Hattie...

I read your post, and lost it. Uncontrollable sobbing. Although no one can ever understand exactly how you feel, I am extremely empathetic as my brother was killed in a car accident April 20th this year. We were extremely close - especially when I was a little kid. We had a very loving and supportive relationship. The pain of missing him is almost unbearable some days... and, although I don't want to feel like this forever, I'm scared that someday I won't miss him anymore. Like I won't really remember what it's like to have him around. That really terrifies me. I don't want to forget. Although I am sorry to hear that this is so hard for you, it makes me realize that I can't ever forget him. My niece is seven - and I'm really glad she'll remember him. He was the best father I've ever known. I'm sure everyone is still grieving in their own ways, but I also feel that this is harder for me now than the others in my family. I couldn't even watch my wedding video on my anniversary because he's in it. I just can't face that yet.

My mom was just diagnosed with small-cell lung cancer. It has spread to her brain, adrenal glands and lymph nodes. She is going through treatment...and I've never prayed for something so hard. I seriously don't think I could handle losing my mom too.

Let me know if you want to talk. Losing my brother is the worst thing I could have ever imagined... and as you said, how can anyone ever get over losing a sibling?

-Colbi

I'm sorry Hattie and everyone else that have posted!!

I've never really lost anyone that I have been close to. My grandfather died 4 years ago from bowel cancer, but we was not really that close. Obvs, I was upset but I still don't know what it feels like to loose some I'm close with.

Me and my sister are really close. I don't know what I would do if I ever lost her! I love her some much and she helps me with everything! I don't think I'd be able to carry on with out her.

I know how you feel... lately ive had luvd ones die with a blink of an eye. I wish Judgement Day would hurry up and come along so we can c our luvd ones again !!!