Hi everyone, I haven't been on much lately because of some very frustrating things happening. I just celebrated my son's first birthday, got married, and I had my daughter Cadence on December 1, and while it should be a very happy time in my life, it's really not and I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm Hawaiian- both my parents are native Hawaiians and as far as I know, every generation before me lived or came from Hawaii. My husband is African-American and Caucasian, and has some Hispanic heritage. So my kids have a little bit of everything in them. Well when Kai was born, his skin tone was a perfect combination between mine and my husband's, and as he has gotten older, he has a more caramel complexion like my husband. This isn't the case with Cadence though. She has a very light complexion, with gray eyes. When she was born, my mother told me that she looked almost identical to my great grandmother- same light skin and gray eyes.

Well my husband's parents were on vacation and got back about 2 weeks ago. That same day, they came and saw her. My mother in law looked at Cadence and said "This can't be my granddaughter; she's too white." I was ready to kill her. She started saying stuff like "There's no way she could be that light and she's mixed." My mother in law and I have never had the best relationship, but I never thought she'd say somthing like that to me. I hate the fact that just because she happens to look like my side of the family, she can't be my husband's child. Or that I would ever cheat on someone I married. Thats ridiculous to me, it's not like I control what skin color she has. And not mixed babies come out dark skinned anyways, it all depends and I tried telling her that but she wouldn't listen. My husband has already said that he knows I wouldn't cheat on him and that he knows Cadence is his, but ever since that night, it's like he's looking at her differently. Maybe it's just my imagination, but I don't know anymore.

Now, my husband's parents, mainly his mom, are refusing to have anything to do with me or Cadence until we get a paternity test done. She'll call Kyle and ask about Kai but won't even acknowledge Cadence. The other day, she was suppose to come by our house to pick up the kids so Kyle and I could finish doing Cadence's room (she's sleeping in our room for now) but she wouldn't take Cadence but was happy to take Kai. I'm starting to really dislike her, just thinking about it makes me mad. My husband has told me that I don't need to prove anything to anyone but I don't know. I don't want Cadence to grow up being singled out from his family because she just happens to have light skin. I want her to know her grandparents on both sides but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. I know in my heart that she is Kyle's child regardless of what she looks like, but I can't help feeling that it's my fault somehow. My daughter looks beautiful, dark or light. She could get darker as she ages, like Kai did or just stay the same. Who cares? She's still my child and she's still Kyle's no matter what color she happens to be. This has all just been very stressful, on top of taking care of a new born and a 1 year old. I'm going out of my mind thinking this, but it's always there. I don't know if I should just leave it alone and maybe Kyle's mom will come around one day, or just go ahead and get a DNA test done to prove it to her so that Cadence can grow up having at least a relationship with her grandparents. I just don't know what to do at this point.

Oh gosh! What a terrible situation you have been placed in!

I can't imagine what I would do in your position, I am lucky enough to get along extremely well with my mother-in-law.

I completely understand your want for Cadence to fit seamlessly into your husbands side of the family.

I don't really have any advice to offer you, but would like to say that I am sure everyone on this site is willing to listen (or read) if you ever feel like you need to let it all out, I know i am anyway!

Goodluck, I hope this gets sorted out!

Ellena

I'd get the paternity test and then get a deserved apology, or have your mother in law pay for it if she insists on alienating her own grandchild.

She must have some other problem with you, I'd sit her down and talk it out. Even if it's just a personality clash, then you both need to get over it and at least be cordial.

Good luck, I hope things work out for you.

My gosh, what a rude woman!

I'm torn here, I could see myself doing either of two options;

1. Get the paternity test and prove (without doubt) Cadence is your husbands daughter. This option would give you the ability to have the upper hand in the relationship with your mother-in-law and she would absolutely owe you an apology and I would make it loud and clear you expect one! (Some people just have no tact, especially M.I.L's!!!).

or

2. Don't do the test and know, in your heart, that Cadence is your husbands daughter. I would make it explicitly clear to your M.I.L that you are extremely hurt by the accusation and that she should trust that your marriage is strong and keep her nose out of it! If she's going to continue to be difficult, make her aware that this kind of attitude is not something you would like Kai to be exposed to (not that you would ever actaully keep him from her) but I think she needs to at least feel a little bit of that fear.

Sorry if my advice is rash or harsh but I just totally sympathise with you and believe in mentally 'teaching people lessons'. Afterall, people will only treat you how you allow them to treat you. There is a lack of respect here!!

In a couple of years time you and your husband may look back at this and laugh saying "There is no way that Cadence has a different dad. She looks like both of us!"

That's horrible!!! I can't believe there are people that can be so cruel like that.

I, for one, find it very hard to believe that you (or anybody for that matter) would be sleeping with someone other than your husband less than 4 months after you'd just had a baby. That's about the time Cadence would've been conceived. If it was me personally going through this I would probably do what Celianne suggested. If she's going to insist that there be a paternity test before she'll accept Cadence as her granddaughter, then I would make her pay for it. You have nothing to hide and deserve an apology from her so I would do whatever it took to show that biatch (pardon my language) what's what. That's just me, though.

I really hope things get better for you. You seem like such a sweet person who really doesn't deserve this kind of treatment. It may also help to tell her that not only is she hurting you with the accusation of cheating, but she'll be scarring her granddaughter emotionally by refusing to accept her as part of the family, but showering her brother with attention. If Kyle accepts Cadence as his, then his mother should, too, as it's not fair to Cadence to be hostile about something she can't control.