Hey ladies, how are you all doing? I hope well.

I have a question. I got a call from the school saying they are worried about my 11 year old daughter saying they are concerned with the way she's been acting. I asked them how so and they only said she's acting unusual I pushed them enough to say she's using a different name. Like if you call her Ava she goes "that's not my name" well she doesn't do it at home but we never really call her Ava. She did this too when she was 6 and Luke and Lola were born because she wanted more attention and I assume she's doing it again. She's had the hardest time adjusting to Zoey. I said that to her school and when they asked me what I was going to do and when I said give her more "mummy and Ava time" and they told I was wrong and it won't work. I tried asking them why they wouldn't tell me and instead told its themove.but she's lived.here before she.was born in England she's here every summer since my husband and i moved her to the states and has.always begged us to move back so i know that's not the issue. She cries when I mention going to visit my family because she doesnt want to lrave engalnd (they haven't moved back to England yet)

When I asked Ava about it she said because she hates the school.. but she'll be (all the kids will) be in a different school next year..

anyone have any ideas?

thank you
Hattie

Hattie, do what you think is best. Try the mommy and me time with her for a few weeks, if she's showing no improvement, talk to her properly about it. Ask her what's bothering her and if its got anything to do with Zoey or yours and Luca's relationship - I know you two have been having a tough time.

Kids pick up on this easily. When my parents were going through a tough time about 3 years ago, I felt every painful word that was said, I felt every tear, door slam and the tension that could be cut with a knife.

I don't have much advice on the subject except that. By the way, what name was she going by at school? And what do you call her at home?

Hattie, you know your daughter better than the school she's been going to for about a month. Do what you think is best for her. If they think something else is going on, but won't tell you about it that's their problem. Your only responsibility is to take care of your kids the best way you know how. Hopefully it's just the school and it'll be better next year when they're able to go to the new school.

I think all children go through that stage of wanting a different name. When I was around 10 or so, I wanted everyone to call me Anna because my name was too weird It didn't last for long though, I think I kept it up for a month or two before I just wanted to go back to being Leia.

I agree with Emily and Meghan, don't listen to the school and do what you think is best. I would try talking her to see why exactly she doesn't want to be Ava anymore. Maybe there's another Ava in her class and she wants to be different or she may like the other name better? It may have nothing to do with you and Luca or Zoey, you'll know when you talk to her. From my experience, girls 10-13 usually have a hard time trying to "define" themselves as they become teenagers. Just let Ava know that you're there for her and if/when she decides she wants to be Ava again that it's okay.


Good luck!

I have to say I did the same thing. A few years back, I got snippy and made everyone call me Princess Violet. I pity Ava because she has to be at a new school, has a new baby at home, a totally new country, she left her friends and has to make new friends all over again. She also has a new room at home, and that's always hard to get used to, and she probably doesn't get to see her dad (too often). That sounds really hard, especially when you're eleven. It was always hard for me to move.

Some kids, especially kids mine and Ava's age (middle school) vent with stress by acting out in class, because they knew everything's stricter at home. Maybe that's what it is? I've done that before.

I hope my point of view makes sense, I'm not a mom. Anyway, best wishes!

Sounds like a rather bizarre school if you ask me...they tell you your daughter is having a problem, but won't tell you what the problem really is. Could they possibly be more vague? What is that suppose to accomplish? That's like saying, "You have a problem at home". Since they won't tell you specifically what the problem is, you start patching the roof, when in reality you have rodents in the basement! If the school isn't going to give you anymore info, and try to assist you, then they need to back off.

I'd try the "extra mommy time", and after a week or so I'd try to question her gently about what may be bothering her. Keep up the mommy time for few weeks after that, and if you're still not seeing any progress, perhaps, a child psychologist would be helpful.

Good luck!