Just as another tangent...
Another point of view from someone very dear to me. This amazing woman is in her 60's. She was born like 3mon premature. She has cerebral palsy, and, of course, has had her struggles. She once told me that it makes her feel weird/bothers her when she hears people say, "Oh, I don't care if it's a boy or a girl as long as the baby's healthy." The person that says that is thinking a noble thought in their mind since they are showing they're not biased as to what the gender would be. However, this lady I know says in her own mind, "How do you think that makes me feel?" Did her parents love her unconditionally? Were they totally let down when she was born? Sure, we would all love to have healthy children and no one is usually going to "ask for" a child with a handicap, disease, whatever. But, truly we should all be "prepared" in our minds that if you have a baby, you should love that child no matter what the circumstance is. And I think most people do love their children unconditionally from the start, even when something is wrong. Just something to think about about the way we say things.

I understand what you are saying, but who says to themselves, " I hope I have a baby that's born with some problems?"doesn't everyone want the best for their child? I have a very good, if not best friend that is mentally disabled and let me tell you her life is no picnic, so I'm not trying to be rude or anything. People can live very successful lives with disabilities of all sorts, it just, in all honestly sets then back a bit in some ways and makes certain things a tad bit difficult. But as a mother i think you'd hope for the best so you'd hope to have a healthy baby. My aunts daughter has caps from being born at six months gestation. I hope i make sense to you lol I'm having a hard time trying to explain my thinking here.
I like/ love people for who they are not what they are. You can choose who you are but not what you are.

Yes, I understand exactly. I think we all want the same thing. I was just trying to illustrate that when a handicapped person hears so many people say, "Yes, I'm excited; I just hope the baby's healthy" it makes that person think of their handicap again (not that they need to be reminded) and they wonder how much of a burden they were to their family. It just makes them feel uneasy. A better thing for expectant parents to say is simply, "Yes, we're thrilled to be having a baby" or "We will be so happy to meet him or her" or "We'll be glad with whoever the good Lord sends us" or something like that, I guess. When a disabled person from birth hears, "As long as the baby's healthy..." they can be really self-conscious and/or wonder what the expectant parent will do if the baby is not "perfectly healthy".

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Auntieof6- I didn't know your name was Connie (until Alisamber mentioned it!) That's pretty, it's definitely not a name you hear around your age (if I remember correctly you're 18-19?)
I know I'm already starting to get use to it possibly and most likely being a girl. We do have some names we like, but are debating if we are going to carry on with our theme..

Yes . Nope, you don't hear it around my age group at all. TBH with you I've only have met one other Connie and that was a 4 month old baby the other week!. But baby Connie's mam said that it's starting to become popular now, with little babies being named Connie .

Thats good, that you're getting use to the idea. Whatever name you choose, it will most probley be gorgeous, like you're other childrens . How's things going with Charlotte now, have people started calling her Zoey again or are they still calling her Charlotte? If you don't mind me asking .

" Those people have the option to have children! They can always adopt! "
Not everyone looks at adoption the same way as having your own kids. Many kids that need homes also have special needs (behavioral problems, emotional baggage etc)... It's not to sound harsh, its just a fact. (Dr Phil has done several shows on this issue- supporting adoption but also warning prospective parents of risks and challenges that are associated with adoption in most cases). I've also grown up with people/kids who were adopted and have estranged themselves from their adoptive parents, now that they're older. Don't get me wrong, for some, its a great option. I, personally, wouldn't consider it, so you can't say that people who cant conceive, can still have kids. Not everyone is equipped to deal with hidden health, mental and psychological issues that plague 90% of adoptive children.
And whether you want to admit it or not, there is special bonding that happens when you carry your baby before he/she is born. Had I gotten a surrogate (even though the baby would still be my biological child), I would have missed out on that bonding.
Also, when a mom gives birth vaginally, there are hormones released that form an unbreakable bond between mother and child. (these hormones are blocked by medical intervention like epidurals etc)...
For example, if a mammal has a baby naturally, (they did a study on monkies) then the mom will be super protective of the baby. But if it has it via cesarian, the mom abandons the baby because no bonding hormones were released. It's the same in humans.

Obviously you can LOVE a c-section baby or an adopted baby as much as you love a baby that you gave birth to naturally, but you can't say it's the same. Physiologically, it's not. That's a scientific fact.
The friend that I talked about earlier (3 miscarriages) has 3 kids now. 1st one was c-section, and last 2 were natural and she told me that she absolutely agrees with the research and yet loves her kids all equally.

If you are interested in more on this, I highly recommend "the business of being born" it's a movie by ricki lake and Abby Epstein. It is eye opening and a great, informative movie - really great for expectant mothers or if you have had a negative birth experience.

Alisamber wrote:

QUOTE:
Yes, I understand exactly. I think we all want the same thing. I was just trying to illustrate that when a handicapped person hears so many people say, "Yes, I'm excited; I just hope the baby's healthy" it makes that person think of their handicap again (not that they need to be reminded) and they wonder how much of a burden they were to their family. It just makes them feel uneasy. A better thing for expectant parents to say is simply, "Yes, we're thrilled to be having a baby" or "We will be so happy to meet him or her" or "We'll be glad with whoever the good Lord sends us" or something like that, I guess. When a disabled person from birth hears, "As long as the baby's healthy..." they can be really self-conscious and/or wonder what the expectant parent will do if the baby is not "perfectly healthy".

I think it's naive to think that an expectant mother would be just as thrilled with a special needs child as a "normal" or healthy child. When someone says they hope the baby is healthy or not handicapped, it's not just for the parents sake. I had a long term boyfriend before I got married and I'm still friends with his little sister who is physically and mentally handi-capped. She has the purest heart and is the sweetest person I've ever met. What really breaks my heart is that people often picked on her when she was in highschool and she will never have the luxury of having kids of her own. She can walk but not as well as most people, and has no use of her right arm/hand, and she was delayed in her learning but still was able to take college courses after graduating highschool.

Of course people hope their child doesn't have to go through life that way. You want the best for your child. If they turn out to have special needs, you love them to pieces, and do your best to adapt to new challenges.