I'll try and make this short. My husband has struggled with porn throughout our marriage. (4 years) He has lied, betrayed, and disrespected me with it. We went to a marriage counselor about 6 months ago. I have always been very expressive about my disapproval with porn. He says he understands, but doesn't act like it.

Fast Forward to now.....We have been 6 months porn free (supposedly). I still feel so much animosity towards him for the hurt. Yes, he has stopped, but has not try to help me heal the hurt he put me through. He told me today that I need to get closer to God and learn about forgiveness. I was raised up Christian and attend church, so I know about forgiveness. He was not raised up Christian and has only gotten closer to God in the past 6 months. He's just not going the extra mile to help me cope with this. I think he expects me to have respect for him with the flip of a switch (6 months) when he did this to me for 4 years!

My problem is that I can't forgive. I feel emotionally scarred fron this man. I don't feel the same for him and don't know if I ever will. I have lost a lot of respect for him and just can't get intimate with him. I feel like a piece of trash. He now says that if "I can't forgive him and move on, then he's done. He's not going to serve penance for this forever."

Now here comes the sad part......we have 2 beautiful kids. They are 4 and 20 months. He has done the internet porn thing while he was supposed to be watching the kids. I will do anything for my kids. I love them more than anything! Is it better to leave this type of relationship for the sake of my kids, or stay. I would never tell my kids that they have to condone this type of behavior in a marriage.

Wow. I am so sorry for what you have been through. I can only imagine the heartache it's caused you, especially with having 2 kids if he put the porn watching first over taking care of them.

Having said that, the thing is that you have to either say enough is enough - and end the marriage- or you can give him one last chance, and FORGIVE him. You should think about the kids you have together and make this decision based on what would be best for them. If you decide to forgive, then you have to wipe the slate clean. In other words you can't stay in the marriage and constantly remind him about the hurt it's caused you. He may never understand. It's up to you to just make the decision based on what is best for your family.

I don't know your history, so I can't really give advice about which way to go, but I get the feeling there's more going on here than porn watching. Do you trust him? That's the main question. If you feel you need to constantly keep him on a leash so he doesn't disrespect you then it's not worth it. You should let him go. It's the same as cheating. They're always so sorry after they've been caught, but you can never be sure they won't do this again, and they'll probably never know the pain it's caused you.

A lot of people may scoff at this and say you're being over-dramatic and say it's not worth ruining your marriage over a little porn, and I can agree with that. Men will be men. But it's the disrespecting you that's the problem. He SHOULD care that it causes distress to YOU. All I can say is you gotta protect your kids and do what's best for them no matter what. Keep your head up. Hope this helps!

hi, i'm sorry i cant give you an answer, but i wish you the best of luck. my hubby loves porn and as much as it annoys me he will never stop watching it so i have stopped thinking of it as a problem. he leaves it all around the house and in the dvd player so if im having friends over i have to do a quick run around before they arive to hide it. but i love him with my whole heart and understand that is just who he is. I hope you and your husband can work things out, it would be sad if your realationship was destroyed over this. i hope things get better, maybe if you and your hubsband could take some time with just the two of you and talk and get everything off your chest you can start to repair what was broken. my heart goes out to you and i wish you all the best.

Yes that does help. He just seems so emotionally detached. It's feels like he doesn't want to deal with my problems now that have escalated due to this. It feels that he has no compassion for what I'm going through!

I would like to agree with both of the other ladies that have posted comments, but I would also like to add that if this is causing problems that are being delt with in front of your children, something needs to be done. My husband has porn obsessions also, but that wasn't enough for him and it has caused major issues in our lives. He doesn't understand that it makes me uncomfortable. He has cheated on me numerous times and I have tried to forgive him but it's almost like I hate him for what he has done. He doesn't think it is a big deal and that since it was in the past that I should forget about it. It hurts so bad though because it makes me feel inadequate as a wife when I know I am not and no one else would put up with his crap! Back to the point, this has caused major tension in our relationship, but I don't really have the choice to leave right now becuase I am in school and won't graduate until May. The thing is that I don't want my kids to grow up thinking it is okay to act like this. This is not the way a marriage is supposed to be. (I have 2 boys) I think you should think about all of the aspects of your situation, and you may be a better person than me. I have been dealing with this for almost 10 years and I am just tired of it. Good luck with everything. I hope this helps.

i disagree with a lot that has been written in response to your note. i made it very clear with my husband that if he gets more gratification from a computer screen or magazine than from me, then he is free to leave me. i will not tolerate any kind of porn addiction. yes men are more visual, i get that. but women are more emotional. if i had an emotional affair on my husband with another man, that would NOT be ok. so why should it be ok that he is lusting after another woman in his mind and doing whatever else with himself. not ok. we don't have a problem with this because when he has a need, i meet it (unless i am already asleep ha). and same with him. as a married couple, we are subject to one another before God and before one another. don't feel bad that you don't approve of this porn stuff.. God doesn't approve either. its right there in the word of God. people who aren't christians aren't going to get that..thats their own perogotive. you need to respect your husband..love him...that will draw him to the Lord.. but him knowing youa re a christian and also knowing that you can't/won't forgive him, is not honoring to the Lord at all and he is going to see that as a double standard. i guess i'm saying that you are misrepresenting Christ. NOT BLAMING YOU! I know this must be SO hard. i can't even put it into words..but you have to get help and move on with him. your kids deserve to have a daddy that loves them. find a lady within your chrch that you can be totally honest with. pray for your husband with this person daily. fast and pray. honor him..respect him. see what God does. it will be good.

all my heart,
bethie