Hi ladies...

I'm going to poor my heart out to you all as I need your help and advice... I'm so lost right now!

I've been living with my partner for around 8 months and we've been together for 1 year... But have been friends for 5 years.
Everything has been going pretty smoothly, the odd arguements that everyone has but nothing serious... Then I started to notice his drinking, he'd come home and come out with the most random things and start arguements... This would range from bringing up ex boyfriends or my past, that he doesn't know anything about!! To calling me names, abusing me mentally.

After a few months of this, I took a stand and told him that it had to stop... It got a little better, but since being pregnant his back out drinking every Friday, some Saturdays... And I'm copping the abuse again, which is really stressing me out, I don't want anything to go wrong with the pregnancy so I'm really worried. Its like he thinks that because I'm staying at home pregnant than its ok for him to go out all night, not text me and have his phone die so I never know where he was or what he was doing... After a while of this I took a stand again and said "Home before midnight" So I knew he was ok and home to comfort me.

But now for the past month its gone back to the same, he'll drive home with a gut full of alcohol... I'll clearly point out that he shouldn't be drink driving, anything can happen and you just can't risk it with a baby on the way... Then he'll just get abusive with his words and I end up in tears, once again!

Ladies I'm so sick and tired of this... I've explained that its stressing me out and this is a time in my life that I should be enjoying... He never seems to understand. Last night it all got a bit too much, I had Mum on the phone whilst I was balling my eyes out and shaking, I just couldn't handle it... I live 40mins from all my family and friends, so can't just walk around the corner!

Mum tried to call him, but he wouldn't answer of course... She told me "You can't put up with this its just bullshit and effecting your health, he needs to choose between drinking with silly mates or you and the baby! His too immature and needs to wake up and grow up, his 28 for god sake and a Dad to be!!"

I agree on this, but its sooo bloody hard. I don't want to be a single parent and have my kid go thru hell... I never wanted that! All I want is a happy family like I have had growing up and if he would completely control his drinking it would be fine, but his not showing that he will... He just falls back into it and I suffer for no reason god damn reason!

I know this is long, but I just don't know what to do... Have any of you ladies been in the same situation?! If I move out I could take him for half as I need a house and new car for bubs (mines too small and won't fit the pram in)... But I'm not a gold digger and wouldn't want to do that... But if I leave him I'm left with nothing, having to rent as I won't be able to buy... And I won't be able to get a new car as I'm not working full time and still studying... I'm so lost, what if he gets away with not paying child support, and I don't know how much I'd get for single Mum benefits... I don't want this at all, I don't want to be alone and I don't want my child having a broken family!!

Please, any advice would be great!
Thanks in advance. xx

I completely agree with your mum.


It's better you go through single parenting then have this mook verbally abuse you. What happens if it gets physical? How do you know he won't start verbally abusing your child? Or physically hurting your child?

IT's better for you and your child to get out of this.


And single parenting, I'm pretty sure it's a whole lot harder on the parent. My mum left us when I was younger and my dad had to raise me all by himself! I had an excellent mum/dad. I'm happy I didn't have my mum around, she didn't want to be around which would of made things between her and dad tense making our home tense during the summers. My mum is involved in my life now, but she moved from the UK to Thailand where her and her boyfriend live with their child. My mum and I are close now, had she stayed around I know we wouldn't of been. My dad ended up marrying my step mum and now they have their kids and are planning on more..

Gracie, thank you so much for replying! Much appreciated.

I guess I'm just scared of the unknown, I know a few single Mums who seems to get along just fine and some have met new lovers, some haven't... I'm just worried I'll never meet anyone else and be left all alone with bubs, stuggling and feeling terrible for having a broken family... Thats my biggest fear! I'm prob being!

Thanks for sharing your story, your Dad is truly amazing in my eyes.. I'm glad you turned out well and are happy with the outcome, did you find it hard when your Dad met your step Mum?!

Thanks again. xx

Ohh and he hasn't been physical yet, I pray it never comes to that.. I like to think that he never could but you never know the verbal is bad enough, I feel like a failure because of him. I've always been a confident girl, now I'm slowly falling apart.

I'm also going to agree with your mom! And I'm going to share a story of my own, and hopefully lend you a little of my experience!

When I was 17, I got pregnant. The father was a guy I had been with for about a year and a half. I was in love - he was my first love! After the shock wore off, we decided to move in together. Within a week, we moved out of our parents house and into an apartment. He began acting much the same way as you described in your post. He was drinking constantly, and picking fights on a nightly basis. He was a different person! I was constantly crying, and stressed to the max. I wanted to leave (and threatened it) several times, but always backed down because I thought I didn't have any where else to turn to. He had a great job which would support our family...and on top of that I loved him...and I wanted "a family". I ended up having a miscarriage. Although I don't know this for sure - I'm convinced this was due to the stress I was under.

Shortly after we lost the baby, I left him and moved back in with my parents. Almost a year later, I met my current husband. We have been together for 6 years now, married in July 2010. We have been living together for almost the full 6 years. Please understand that the relationship that you are in right now is NOT NORMAL...and it's NOT OKAY. I didn't understand that at the time...I truly thought that it was something women just "dealt with". I now know that it's not. Although love is not perfect... it's not hurtful! It's still wonderful after six years. He treats me like I should be treated. He respects me, and I never doubt that he loves me. This is how you should feel.

I can't speak about single parenthood from experience, but I can say - quite confidently - that your child will be better off with one wonderful mother who loves him/her, than with two parents - a father who is verbally abusive, and an unhappy mother.

It sounds like you'd have the support of your mother if you did leave...so you wouldn't be all alone. Empower yourself, lady! You CAN do this!

Tazlyn wrote:

QUOTE:
Ohh and he hasn't been physical yet, I pray it never comes to that.. I like to think that he never could but you never know the verbal is bad enough, I feel like a failure because of him. I've always been a confident girl, now I'm slowly falling apart.

Let's hope he NEVER does! I'll have to get my friends to kick his butt!

You're NOT a failure! You're not the one going out to a pub and drinking coming home drunk! Do whatever is best for you and your baby, but I understand your fear that is completely natual to feel that way! I feared when I got pregnant if Rhys would stick around or not. He did but I live in Wales and he is England and yeah it's hard but I'm moving to England this summer so it's easier and he can see his little girl more than once a month. (That was a big debate if he was moving to Wales or am I moving to England, I lost that fight but I don't mind)


Thanks! I think my dad is truly amazing too, but we had some issues, haha! And I'm sure your child will think the same about you and realise how amazing you are and will be happy if you were to get yourself out of that enviroment for him/her AND your self! I believe that shows a great deal of self confidence right there, many people can't walk away if you chose to do that. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but I think it'd be best to get away.

And to your question about my step mum, no I didn't have an issue with it. Even though my dad is a good looking bloke and could have any girl he fancys he never brought many home or any actually and was very careful about introducing her to me and has always made sure I was okay with her and they asked me about her moving in and he asked me if I'd be okay with them getting married.. Of course I was aslong as my dad was happy. My step mum always made sure to be my friend and not my mum, she knew she wasn't and didn't try to cross that ground. Now I'm sure if I was younger she would of but that's different!