Tazlyn wrote:

QUOTE:
Ohh and he hasn't been physical yet, I pray it never comes to that.. I like to think that he never could but you never know the verbal is bad enough, I feel like a failure because of him. I've always been a confident girl, now I'm slowly falling apart.

I think if you're at the point where you think he is going to try something, you need to leave! I know its every mother's dream to live with the father of your kids and have a happy life, but that just doesn't happen for everyone anymore. I could only imagine how hard it must be, but you can't go through this, especially when you're pregnant. No one, deserves to live like this! Living in fear and worry is not okay. I know that a lot of women use say "It'll get better" or "He was good to me before" and "He'll change when the baby is born" but that isn't true. As a mother, you have to do whatever you can to protect your children. Living with an alcoholic, who at any point can become abusive, is not the way to do that.


I completely agree with your mom, you need to leave him before something serious happens. I believe in second chances but things like this do not deserve a second chance, no matter how much you're in love with him. If he's not willing to change then as a mother,you need to move on with your life and find somebody who deserves your time. Could you imagine you child living with a father like that? Having to see their father drunk and possibly abusing their mom? That's just not right! No child deserves to live like that, especially when they didn't ask to be here! If you're having a baby boy and he witnesses his father doing things like that, 9 times out of 10 they'll grow up to be the same way! It creates a viscious cycle that needs to end here and now.


I don't know that much about you, but just from reading your posts, you seem like a sweet person who would make a great mom. You don't deserve this and no man should ever make you feel like that. I don't care if he is the nicest guy in the world, he shouldn't be doing any of this with a baby on the way! I know its hard but you can do it.

I went through something like this years ago and what helped me through it was a quote I heard someone say one day. The quote was- I love you enough not to change you, but I love myself enough to know that I deserve better- It put things in perspective for me and it might help you. I wish you the best of luck with your pregnancy and dealing with this.



Leia

Colbi, your beautiful you had me in tears!

I'm sorry to hear that you too went through something simular. Its just not fair, what did we do to deserve it?! I'm sick of feeling like I'm not good enough because of it.

I'm sorry about your miscarriage, I too have had one years back and believe stress most likely is the cause. It can be a terrible thing stress, changes who you are and your health.

You have made me feel a whole lot better so from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU.

I'm usually a strong, powerful woman and now I find myself crawling into a ball and I don't want that... I'm not worried about having a good career or being unsuccessful, I'm studying fitness to become a personal trainer which is a really great career over in Australia. The pay is great and your options are never ending... Yes he has a great wage, but he would have to pay child support right?! I'm just worried about early motherhood as I won't be working, I will however get Maternity Leave from the government for 6 months and could return to casual work afterwards as I would have to... I just feel like a failure if I leave and embarrassed, yet I have nothing against single Mums I think they're truly amazing! Your right its not normal and I shouldn't put up with it.

Thanks again, I'm going to try and have one last chat to him this week and see how it goes, if he isn't willing to cut back or cut out alcohol then I have no other choice but to protect myself and bubs... I think I will move back to my folks for a while, to finish my study atleast so I can try concerntrate.

You have given me my strength back, well at least a little lol.

Thanks Colbi. xx

Leia, thank you I really appreciate honesty.
That quote is definitely one I'll write down and when things get tough I'll read it over and over.

It is very hard, but like you said I don't want my child being brought up in an environment like this... It wouldn't be fair at all and I couldn't do that to bubs, he/she means the world to me and is my number one priority right now. Also myself and my health.

Lets just hope the chat goes well. I'll keep you all informed.


Gracie,

Knowing that you and your step Mum got along well makes me feel a tad better, I guess thats one of the biggest fears in single parenting... But if I leave and a time comes along that I find someone new, if anyone will be with me... Then I will do my best to think of my child's feelings before bringing a new face into there world. Its important that my baby comes first no matter what! The finance situation is a big thing to, I don't want bubs missing out on the things they need. So that scares me a bit.

I really can't thank you all enough for your support I really, really appreciate it.

xx

Tazlyn sweetheart, you don't need our advice, as you know in your heart what you need to do for yourself and your child, and even though I've never met you, from talking to you on this site I'm assured that you believe in the safety and wellbeing of a child. I know that you believe a child should have a father that is there both physically and emotionally, and is capable of parenting. I know that you believe a child should not have to live in trepidation of an alcoholic father.

You said, "I don't want to be a single parent and have my child go through hell". Really?! Take a look around you. From reading your post I can guarantee that you're already in hell! Can't you smell the brimstone, and feel the flames licking at your heels?! This is what you've got waiting to welcome your beautiful, innocent child into the world, and while being single isn't loads of fun, it's certainly 100% better than where you're at right now. Heck, I'd much rather have your mother around than that selfish drunk that makes you cry, and write out lengthy posts asking for advice from freaky internet people!

You deserve better than this. Your child deserves better than this, and it's your job as the responsible parent to see that happen. And you know what? It truly sucks that you have to deal with this nonsense when your pregnant, but the upside is your child won't have to deal with it. So when your feeling down and unsure, remember that you're saving your child from the anguish, frustration, fear, and sadness that you're feeling right now.

I suppose I should tell you that I've been through this...twice! My first husband was an alcoholic, my 2nd (my son's father) was a drug addict, my 3rd was an adulterer, and so far (thank God!) my 4th is doing OK, but let me tell you, I don't put up with ridiculousness from men. So...you need some help? I'll grab ReenaC and we'll put the fear of God into your man and get him packing!

You know...I have faith in you, and really, it could be worse. In my case, I was in Germany! I wished my family was only 40 minutes away! Know what else? I made it without child support and welfare! Of course, that was my choice, but I felt if I was getting CS then my ex should have visitation, which I had no problem with if he was straight, but I didn't want him anywhere near our son if he was messed up. Keep that in mind...you mentioned your guy drinking and driving. How would you feel about him drinking and driving with your child in the car?! Until you can get some sort of ruling by a court (even though drunk driving is illegal) he'll have unsupervised access to the child and could easily put the child in a car and drive off. Scary, huh?

Now, give your tummy a little rub, give yourself a hug, and try and get some sleep. You need to talk to your mom tomorrow and have her help you get settled in a new place. You can do this! Actually, for the sake of your child you MUST do this, as your guy has left you with no alternative. If you don't do anything and something should happen to the baby, you could be charged as an accomplice. Your guy deserves an *ss whipping for that alone!

Big hug, XO
Angel

Angel, you truly are an Angel. My Angel.

I can't believe how much support is out there from Women I have never met, you are all amazing and thank you once again.

Your all right, and yes I know myself what I have to do.
But I'm still going to do the right thing and have the "chat" with him about it all... That way I atleast gave him another chance even tho he really doesn't deserve one! I know deep down that I don't deserve this bullsh*t, but it does cut deep!

And I would never want my child in harms way...
I just need a good sleep.

Thanks hun.
I feel your warmth from your beautiful hug. xx

I really feel for you,i have been going throught the same situation. just swap the alcohol for cannabis.
I have been friends with my partner for about ten years,we started dating three and a half years ago,a year later and iam pregnant.he is so happy and tells everyone a two months later i start to see very,very worrying changes in his behaviour.
He starts by going off and not coming back until the next day, confronted he just says oh i stayed in my mums, where he was living before he moved in with me.
I had no problems with him going out to see his family or friends but if i did he would go beserk and start screaming, if i went out he would go out searching for me. then it escalated to being accused of sleeping with everyman i looked at.
I ended up going through nearly my whole pregnancy vomiting at least eight times a day, then i ended up with what i thought at the time was a toothache.
After a brief spell of solitude he came back with even more gusto, this time it was you are not looking after the baby,you hate this baby.only because i went with my sister and nine year old son from my first relationship to go and see a huge mechanical spider.I couldn't believe it.
Then the lies started to roll in he would say something then deny it.by this time i couldn't get out of my bed i was so ill with the stress, i cried a lot of the time and felt terrible that i couldn't do anything with my son, who he started on after me.
Then my mother came round and he was as sweet as the day i met him, he told my mother he was going to finish painting the living room that day and tidy up the mess he had made downstairs.
My mother took me to the dental hospital because i was in agony with my back tooth, only to discover after x-ray , it wasn't my tooth.The dentist asked me to sit in a comfy chair and he asked me who was stressing me out, because the pain i had was caused by stress which i was holding in my mouth, he told me i needed to get them out of my life at least until after the baby was born, i left his room and started to cry, i couldn't believe stress could cause so much damage.
I told my mother and i went for a check up, everything was fine.
We went back home and my mum rang the doorbell, we had been gone for hours and it was about four in the afternoon, we let ourselves
in only to find he was still in bed, my mother had a fit and went outside, i asked him to leave the house,which he did eventually with a shove from me.
as soon as he went and i went to bed that night my vomiting ceased immediately and my pain in the mouth stopped.i was so relived it was making my pregnancy a nightmare.
later on i found out he was smoking and people were saying some men go like that when the women get pregnant...now let this bit be a warning to you and please heed it...this is what happened next...after the baby was born i gave him another chance i got the whole sob story , i miss you i love you i want to be a family, so i said i will consider it, if you can show me you have changed then ok..he was great for the next four months, so i thought maybe those people were right about some emn change when their partner is pregnant.
I took him back i wanted a family and i wanted to work at it i had seen some bad relationships turn out well and thought for the baby's sake and a bit for mine too, it was nice to have him around.he was great what can i say, helped out even got up before noon....then a few months later when the bab started waking up he started to get ratty and shouted at me constantly,why wont she be quiet.
Then he started to sleep in his mums so i decided to call it a day, but stupid me after a few months started to miss him, took him back he nearly bleeded me dry, he would give me money when he got paid then take it back the next dahy, i ended up in debt..he started playing mind games with me all the time, i can't tell you how horrible that was, i think i would rather he hit me because at least i would of known what was what.
I left him again my mother said thank god, i had endeed up a hermit because of him staying in to keep the peace..
It gets better because i took him back when he stopped taking drugs and got a job and everything was good even my mum said finally is he actually realising he has a family. everyone was happy...
Afew months later after three warnings of not getting in on time because he started to sleep til after noon again he got the sack, a few months later i left him i couldn't support him anymore and he was horrible to my son and he started punching me to wake me up to see to the baby...left him and never looked back...only thing is he lives close to me and he has started being nasty to my son,calling him all sorts of names and calling me a whore and slag..so the other day i went around there and when i left he had a black eye.
All has been nice and quiet, so far so good just waiting on a house move.
oh and i was ill for a while went to the doctors to find out i was pregnant,so believe me it can get worse, but you know what i came out stronger,he took everything i had and i slowly built it all back up and he knows that now,he can't take anything away from me again.iam so over it. word of advice listen to the people who love you, if i did i would not of been through half the stuff i have.
I had my mum growing up my dad worked abroad we never really knew him, but let me tell you i wouldn't of changed her for the world.
don't let im take your dignity or confidence away, you have to be strong for you and your precious baby. you have all my love x