I am 18 years old and am in a stable relationship of 3 years with my husband. We're expection our first child in our second pregnancy during Easter of '09.
The background information for my question:
My husband and i have babysat my niece and nephew for the last 3 years. Since she was 4 and he was 2. My nephew is M.R. (Mentally retarded) with neurofibromatosis. Now at age 5 he is still in diapers and does not recognize people and does not know any words. At first she was shy and standoffish but now she's very outgoing and open. At first we were going to her father and his GF's house to babysit them so the adults could go out and party. This happened almost every weekend on Friday and Saturday for almost a year and a half. When my husband and i got our apt they wanted us to babysit them but it was a one bedroom and he has to stay in one room by himself bcuz he can bcum violent and hurt himself or others if over stimulated. we didnt want to have him overnight in our bedroom, cuz 1) we would be out of our bed and 2) we have valuable paintings and knick knacks that we did not want broken. Once we found out we were pregnant the first time we moved into a two bedroon trailer. Immediatly we started decorating for the babies room but once we lost it, the room was very hard to go into. we began bringing her over to watch since his GF's children were then old enough to babysit him when they went out. eventually she began to come over almost every weekend.
She spent most of her summer break with us. we bought her bathing suits, clothes and provided everything for her and took her on trips with us to our families houses. We disciplined her the way we saw thought jus like her father said and told him when she did anything wrong. She never wanted to go home but we figured it was bcuz she had more fun with us.
Shortly before the summer break ended we moved three houses down from them. There was no reason for her to stay the night with us anymore bcuz we were at their house so often and they at ours. While living near them i witnessed the way he disciplined her and strongly disagreed. He would pull her hair and scream at her and spank her excessively with a leather belt. EX. he spanked her 8 times for being alone in a bathroom with a little boy who she had a prior indiscretion with. the door was wide open and they both told the same story that she was helping turn the water on to wash his feet off (the little boy was 3). but that included pulling her hair and screaming at her that she was stupid and her brother had more sense than her. I've heard him call her worthless and other demeaning things that can seriously psychologically harm a 6 yr old girl.
His GF has told me that he has talked about finding a friend to legally adopt her bcuz he feels he doesn't give her the attention she needs and says he is seriously considering us since we have such a strong bond with her. I would love to adopt her but with a baby on the way i'm not sure we could handle it. its fine on weekends and holidays but i'm afraid full time it could be a financial strain and giving each the attention they need would be hard.
My question to you ladies is: Should we try to take her on if he asks? Or say no and that we'll still keep her weekends and holidays. We're also considering asking for a trial run.
I love my niece and hate knowing that she's being treated the way she is and would love to take her away from it, but i know i need to put my own child first.
I'll appreciate anything constructive that you ladies have to say.

if my niece was in that situation i would fight for her with my life..im Pregnant due in april but my niece who will be 4 i raised until she was 3...if a man would to put his hands on her hed be dead(well id like to have that) i love my niece with all my heart treat her as my own and she called me mom her first 2 years of her life...so thats just what id do...same as my sisters my one has 2 kids and the other is due in january but we have all talked about it and all have agreed we'd all try and take her away from any situation like that...well i hope i helpd a little

you have, its jus that my husband keeps bringing up the financial aspect. and he says if we keep her enough that she won't have a chance to get in trouble for him to do that.

the way i see it, is that you have 3 options. report him and potentially never see your niece again, take her in, or find someone else who can. what he is doing is abuse, and you need to do anything you can to take her out of that situation. i know money is an issue, it always is. your child is a priority, yes, but this little girl clearly needs you as well. if she is at home for even a minute, there is time for that kind of stuff to happen. it would be a big adjustment, and money would be tight. i think the real question that needs to be asked is what is more important? money or the safety of a little girl?

i dont mean to sound harsh, i have been in a situation very similar to yours, and i could not bear the thought of leaving that little girl there, she needs love and a good role model, someone who tells her she is worthy of their love and respect. good luck.

Thanks puck, i think your helping my husband see what needs to be done.

Puck bascially just said it all.
But I would take her in and fight for her, if my niece was being treated like that Id take her even though I wasnt financially stable her being safe and in a better enviroment would be the only thing I would think of. I know its going to be hard with a new baby but it would be worth it I reckon.

Brieal